"You are looking fat today," and Other Filipino Greetings

I have not written a quality blog about culture in way too long... So, here goes.


Monday. Day off. I feel a migraine on its way, a sickness that seems to have developed a fondness for me over the past few weeks. Cleaning day. After thoroughly scrubbing the termite dust from every corner of my bamboo house, I take a walk down the street to pick up some water and to gratefully hand my dirty laundry off to my Ate to wash due to shortage of water nasa bahay ko. I stroll on over to the Water Purification Station, thoroughly sweating from the early summer heat by the time I arrive just 10 minutes later.

I have not seen Kuya Rodel in maybe two weeks—a terribly long time I gather, or long enough for my body to have changed significantly since the last encounter. “You are getting fat!” he exclaims immediately. No “hello.” No “Hi Jessica.” No “Magandang hapon, kumusta ka, how are you, nice to see you.” Simply, “you are looking fat today.”

After one year, six months, and two weeks (approximately, though honestly I really have stopped counting), this greeting still comes as a blow to my inflated ego. It is always approached in the same manner: disturbingly direct, blunt, and automatic. And every time, whether it comes from one of my many Kuyas, a member of my old host family, a teacher, staff, or community member, my heart always sinks angrily in my chest as I straighten my back and suck in my (expanding) gut.

Certainly Kuya Rodel did not mean to make me angry or self conscious. Or, frankly, maybe he did mean to joke, as he responds to my fiery glare with a hearty and playful chuckle, seeming to understand that I would not take this light-hearted greeting quite so light-heartedly.

From an American perspective, we learn early on that this simple phrase, this comment is “bawal,” forbidden in any form. Even for those American who internally acknowledge the extra padding around their buttocks, the dangling flesh around where their triceps might be, the double chins or the beer belly, others would be cautious to declare these excesses verbally, not to mention publically. “Never tell your girlfriend she looks fat, even if she does.” All Americans know that rule.

Ah, Philippines. It is a country of indirect communication, where even the slightest hint of critical feedback is avoided or passed indirectly through 5 other people before arriving at its destination, so that when it arrives at your doorstep it is toned down many levels so as to avoid shaming the person. So ironic it is, then, that a country that has internalized countless methods to avoid shame, would dare tell a woman she looks fat.

No, no. Take away your western mind frame for a moment, and let us examine this more closely. What does it mean to be fat, in a country where the majority of residents live in poverty, and only a select few live above the comfort level? To be “fat” is to be wealthy enough to afford enough food to make one’s figure more substantial than the teeny-tiny typical Filipino. In fact, I found a fellow staff at GCM staring gloomily into the mirror just the other day, pinching at her skin. When I asked what in the world was wrong, she replied sullenly “I want to be fat.” No matter how much more rice she consumed, her tiny frame remained as is, a tiny frame. Thus, to be called fat is a compliment of finest terms.

But here is the paradox. This country of such extreme poverty is also a country that has emerged full-force into the modern world of technology, music, beauty. Nearly every Filipino has a Facebook account, and almost everyone I have met has a nicer cell phone than me. Young children know how to grind their hips to Shakira and pose for Sports Fests and “Talent” Competitions as if they are contestants on America’s Next Top Model.



Young girls watch their telenovelas longingly, dreaming of being the love object to Dingdong Dantes, Derek Ramsey, or AJ Perez. Older women diet, or “reduce,” eating significantly less rice to regain an even-more-girlish girlish figure and look like Heart Evangelista or the next famous Filipina actresses. To be thin, in terms of the movies and the stars, is to resemble the beautiful, rich, and famous.

What confuses me then is the inconsistency in meaning implied in being called fat in this country. Is it beautiful, or ugly? Rich or poor? How can there be such contradictory meanings and which implication did Kuya Rodel follow? Although it continues to puzzle and disturb my American spirit, I have begun to come to a conclusion about this Filipino greeting: Americans as a whole analyze things way too much. And, as a whole, we are way too fat.






I hear a pig squealing in the distance, a horrid sound I recognize as the pig meeting its death. I wonder for what purpose it is being slaughtered. Lechon? Meat for money? Fiesta, or birthday? I can’t say; all I know is that my head is pounding significantly less, and as the persistent sun dims behind the cloudy sky I think I am ready for a nice walk.